Some Days, We Have to Let Our Stories Go

“Oh no no no
You just gotta let that old story go”
- Trevor Hall

As an English major, I have always had a love for stories. They can be a place to dream, adventure, inspire. Whether they are the stories of others or our own.

In fact, viewing ourselves as the protagonist in our own story can be a beautiful thing. It can be quite powerful to own, reclaim, our stories. To see life through the lens of authorship. Writing our own tales. Chapter after chapter. Empowered by holding the pen.

But, of course, this is not always the way with stories. There can be a darker side. They can take hold. Form a loop. Start to define us. It’s important to explore our relationship with our stories. And, some days, we have to let them go.

As with so many things, the first step is noticing. Cultivating the practice of awareness and noticing when we are dropping into a narrative. Especially a negative or limiting narrative. Perhaps a narrative that has played a recurring role in our lives.

Narratives emerge for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes, external patterns have presented themselves in our lives. Sometimes, there are purely internal drivers. Often, it is some combination of both. Maybe something happened in our past. An experience. A crossroads. Maybe there are unresolved feelings or issues. Unmet needs. Whatever the reasons, we tend to have our stories. The helpful and the unhelpful.

Pause for a moment and consider: What story or stories do you notice as a thread through your life? Through your relationships? Through your career?

As we do this exploration, we may chaff at labeling it a story. We may feel called to insist it is truth. Perhaps we feel we are always undervalued. We are always victimized. We are always overlooked. We always fail. Come up short. We chose wrong. We are wrong. Something is not enough. We are not enough.

What underlies our stories is very context-specific. Very individual. However, in my experience, for myself and those I’ve worked with, it’s fairly universal that even if there are grains of truth or seeds from which the stories have sprung forth, they are not wholly true. Especially when we are viewing them in a forward-looking capacity. As a predictor. As foretelling what is to come. As a reason not to bother. As a reason to stay in the negative energy. In the resentment. In the despair. As a reason to lose hope.

Because, of course, we can’t know today what the future holds. And, often, our so-called certainty around something coming to be can bring it into being, albeit unwittingly. (Now, this can be a good thing too. More on that another time!)

This is why I encourage you to ask — Is the story serving me? Is it helpful to align to a story that feels defeating? Is it helpful to align to a story that only sees the negative? Is it helpful to align to a story that blocks out the rays of possibility?

Sometimes, maybe, perhaps. I will concede that I can’t possibly think of all conceivable scenarios, so I will stay open to the possibility that there could be circumstances in which it would be helpful to hold onto the stories. Maybe even the ones that feel defeating. And, perhaps those days are not the days to let the stories go.

But, I will also posit that there are many more days on which holding tight to these narratives is not serving us. Is, in fact, limiting us.

Stories can become a filter, distilling information to serve the narrative. It is wild to watch our minds and see how we do this with our energy and our confirmation-seeking bias. We can very quickly find ourselves down the rabbit hole, in an alternate reality that looks quite dark and unforgiving. That can cause us to lose sight of the wonder that is outside of that vortex. Dampen or erase the magic that is all around us.

Similarly, the rigidity of our stories can get in the way of us taking action. Taking chances. Even simply asking for or going after what we want. Impede our empowerment. When we tell ourselves that the answer is definitely going to be no, we opt out. When we tell ourselves that it’s not going to be what we want or that it’s not going to work, we withdraw. Disengage.

I’ve done it. My clients have done it. My hunch is, you’ve done it.

And… I’ve also seen what’s possible when we let those stories go. It is wild how much can shift. And, how quickly.

I recognize that not everything can be addressed with mindset shifts and letting go of unhelpful stories. And while there will always be things outside of our control, circumstances we wouldn’t choose and wish we could change, there is always choice. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. And, I believe in controlling the controllables. Focusing on what I do have influence over, where I do have choices, rather than the things beyond that scope. And there are still whole universes of possibility in that domain. So much magic available to us.

So, I encourage you to contemplate, especially as we close the year and look to a new one ahead… What story are you holding? Is it serving you? And do you want to let it go?